Early resolutions...

I've never kept a resolution in my life. How long are they supposed to last? If they're only meant to last a few weeks, then I'm fine...but all year? Hasn't happened for me.

I made some epic ones last year. Im not sure they were technically new years resolutions, perhaps just things I set out to do. Lasted a couple of weeks but then lethargy crept in and I just bailed on them. My self discipline skills are lacking.

I've never been one to set silly resolutions about laying off the sugar or going on a diet (lets be honest, if I went on a diet I'd simply cease to exist). When I have made a resolution about something it's had to carry some weight, y'know, actually mean something or be of actual benefit to my life.

Now, I'm getting better with the self discipline stuff. It's coming slowly, but I am getting there. I keep hearing stuff only takes 2 weeks to become habit, (do something every day for 2 weeks, it sticks...apparently) but its really those 2 weeks I have trouble with. I should really make a run at this one though, 'cause its something I need to fix.

Reading the freakin' Bible.

Now, I do read the Bible quite a lot. But not daily. And not often for my own personal time or study. I read it because I work for a church and a huge amount of what I do involves the Bible. Now, thats not to diminish it's value to me. When I do manage to read myself, and read properly, I love it. I read a passage this evening, that I actually read at first yesterday, and it seemingly took about 24 hours to hit me properly (I'll post it at the bottom, it really is a stunningly beautiful piece of scripture), and those moments are great. Few & far between, but great.

I dont know why I neglect my personal reading. I know for sure I'd be a better man if I read it properly, every day. But I don't. Cause I'm an idiot. I read a quote the other day: "Hard work pays off in time, procrastination pays off RIGHT NOW." It's pretty true in honesty. I'm so easily content to piss away the time in the here & now, time that could be spent becoming a better person for my God. I've probably wasted some incredible opportunities because I've neglected my own personal growth & time with Him.

These things usually have a spark though right? What makes us suddenly want to change the way we operate...?

See, the last couple of days I've noticed my own weaknesses start to creep up on me. They are feelings I'm very familiar with, and they are not welcome. Anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, being unsure of things I know, feeling the need to meddle with things that I should just be content with.

These are the characteristics of a frame of mind that I'll look back on in the coming months and hate myself for. The old 'Who I Am Hates Who I've Been' line swings round on a regular basis, and rightly so. I've said before that if I can look back at myself over the years and be content that I haven't changed, I'll have done something wrong.

The future is bright at the moment. It's looking like there is some really good stuff around the corner, but...or perhaps because of that, I have to be ready for it. I say this far too often, but it's time to get it right, and really make it stick. This time it could be too important to waste.

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Ephesians 3:14-21 - Damn it's good. Reading it back now its suddenly massively relevant to me in this moment...

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."