It's never easy...

Alrighty then...lets see where my heads at tonight then.

So many people would say it's so simple. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Sorted, right? What more is there to it? Part of me wishes it was that simple for me. Life is not always easy. Life as a Christian is rarely easy. Trying to build a relationship with someone with God at the center, as the foundation, as the most important part, is never easy.

Over the last few weeks and months, some events have been set in motion that I feel close to certain will carry for the rest of my life. I believe they'll define where I am, who I am & what I'm doing in 10, 20, 30+ years. I've been wrong before though...

I've never blogged directly about relationships before, not in a non-cryptic way, but right now this is something important going on, and as I didn't wake up till till half 2 this afternoon (I was working till 7am, waking up at half 2 was justified I assure you) my mind is very much awake and wandering. When it wanders, I write here.

This isn't a love story, though. I'm not here to pour out my emotion and/or how I feel about someone. I'm not a big fan of the touchy-feely loved up stuff, I don't write about those sort of feelings, it's not for anyone else to see, nor can I see any reason why anyone would be interested in it! I'm writing this because relationships between man & woman are, for many people, one of the most important things in life. I'm one of those people, I place value in those relationships, and thats why I'm writing this. Right now, this is important to me. Hence the headmash that is beginning to unfold before you...!


Some may not believe it, but I've grown up in the last 2 years (November marked 2 years since the end of my last relationship). Not long ago I found I was questioning myself; why do I want a relationship? Who's it for? 2 years ago my answer would have probably have been something like: I want someone to be there, I need that 'feeling' of being in a relationship. I want to be able to be someone that someone else relies on.

I mean sure, being in a relationship with someone who was a christian (as I was) was a bonus, but I'm not sure if it ever made a difference in how I acted or what I said. I never spent time praying with a girl for a relationship, etc. I just didn't think about it. "We're both Christians, thats what matters." Apparently not.

C.S. Lewis said something like...

"If we put first things first, we get second things thrown in. If we put second things first, we lose both the first and the second things."

I think I've said this before in a blog - We don't deserve anything. We are not entitled to grace, or  a roof above our heads, warm clothes, education, even relationships. At no moment will we ever be justified in being unhappy with God for not giving us what we want. We didn't deserve Jesus' sacrifice, but He died for us anyway. We have been given the gift of grace, to know God, to have a relationship with Him. Everything else (yeah, everything) is a blessing from God, they aren't things we can demand.

God comes first. And in his infinite love & majesty, he chooses to bless us with the little things that make life so wonderful. If we start to put those gifts, those blessings ahead of God himself, of course we will lose sight of whats important.

Relationships are no different.

I met a girl about 6 months ago, but didn't see her again till around 4 months ago. And since then, as these things sometimes go, feelings have slowly developed. (I'm sure you don't need details how these things happen...) The more we talked, the more things felt simply 'right'.

When we eventually had that talk, the terrifying one where you reveal to each other that you have 'those' feelings, it was a cold November evening, and I began to understand why I want to be with this girl, the real reason I believe relationships can be such a blessing.

It's not for me, or how it benefits my life. I want a relationship that brings glory to God. To serve together in a way that brings us closer to Him individually & together. I want to witness to those around me, and for the young people I work with to see that a relationship is not simply about boy meets girl - Everything is about God.

And I think, in time, we'll get there. We're not together yet, maybe we never will be, who can know Gods plans? Whats important right now is that God comes first. And if it is His will for this to happen, He must be at the centre.

No kidding though, thats tough. Really tough.

But as she told me, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind me saying, that if & when it does happen, it'll be grounded on months of prayer, seeking God and making Him the most important part.

Talk about building your house on the rock...