How the years fly by...

"Heres to another better year!" - Indeed, the immortal words of Jeremy McKinnon.

Oh yesss. In 2 weeks I will have lived in 4 different decades. That makes me feel alot older than I am.

I thought about writing a lovely sentimental blog about all the stuff I remember, or the stuff that has changed over the last 10 years, but I was 12 when this decade began and my memory is not that good.

I can talk about this year though. The last 12 months have been quite amazing. Challenging at times, rewarding at others. I cant begin to explain the changes I've gone through in the last 12-18 months. I look at myself 1-2 years ago and dont really recognise what I see, because its such a departure from who I am now.

I recently made a list of my top 10 favorite songs of all time. Number 3 on that list was 'Who I am hates who I've been', by Relient K. I absolutely love it. It's just...it's always the way I feel about my life. The following line in particular holds special meaning;

"Who I am hates who I've been, and who I am will take the second chance you gave me. Who I am hates who I've been, cause who I've been only ever made me."

I look back at things I've said and done and I cringe at times. Like I say, I am such a different person to a couple of years ago. I dont like who I've been, but a lot of those experiences made me who I am today, and the things I do today will go into making who I'll be in the years to come.

I dont mean to say that in an egotistical way, not like I'm trying to 'big up' who I am now, while I do believe I'm a better person for whatever change has happened, I dont want any of that to be driven by me. I'm who I am now becuase I opened myself to God, and I started to let him work the things I previously 'kept to myself' about. It took me 22 years to do it (admittedly, many of those I was not making concious decisions about it...) but life is better for it.

So...what has happened this year? Well...a lot...but I wouldnt know where to begin.

I just wrote about 3 paragraphs on stuff, and then deleted it, cause it doesnt need to be talked about.

The short version is: Its been a good year. The last 3-4 months has in particular been great, if the hardest work. If theres one thing I've learnt (or at least learned more...!) this year, is that nothing can be expected. There are things this year that I've said, things I've done, and some problems/blessings/people have come my way that I just could not have predicted, and I'm better off for it.

10 years ago, I wasnt thinking about who I'd be come December 2009. Tonight, my head wanders towards who i'm going to be in December 2019.

Where will I be living? Still in England...?
What will my job be?
What sort of church will I be going to?
Will I be married? Kids?!
Will my brother be married...!?
Come to think of it, will he still be doing something with a chemistry degree?
Will I have my own place to live?
Will I still be in touch with everyone in my life at the moment? If not, who've I forgotton?
WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO?! If you've gone soft on me I wont be impressed...

I could go on. Point is, I have no answers. I thought of a plan once, 'this is what im going to do, its going to be like this!'

It didnt work. I can speculate all I like, I can 'hope' it might be a certain way, but theres really only one question that carries weight, one question that I need to ask myself everyday, and if I come up with an answer I dont like, I'm going to do something about it.

'Where am I with God?'

In 10 years time, no matter where I am, who I'm with or what I'm doing, I just hope I'm ready to tell the world that I live that life for Jesus, and without him I would be nothing.

If I ever forget that, if I ever lose sight of that, someone come and point me back in the right direction please, it'd be appreciated.

There is one thing I am quite sure of though. Just as I barely recognise myself 1 year ago, in a years time, two years, ten years, I'm hoping I can look back at myself in these days and see how much I've grown.

A lot happened in 10 years. I'm guessing a lot more is going to happen in the next 10. I gotta tell you...I'm really really excited.