It's Been a While...

And that I apologise for. I've not felt very interesting for quite a while now, and I'm not overly keen on writing for the sake of it. I'd also rather not write a self pitying "THE WORLD HATES ME" type blog.

It's been a tough few weeks. Midyear deadline nearly killed me, and I was so far from happy with the end result that I'm actually frustrated.

See, I've pretty much lost my motivation to do anything at the moment. I failed hideously at my new year resolutions, but right now I'd be happy if I just got a bit of the fire - that drove me to make them - back.

When I sit down to work, no words come. When I'm preparing youth work sessions I've lost all my creativity. Even that buzz of emotion when I worship my God has numbed to a point where I barely feel it.


As usual, I cant explain it. Its probably all on me, my own lack of discipline, that I am the way I am right now.

No, not probably. It is all on me.

Heres what I fully dont understand though...I'm not working right now. If I were an analogue clock I would have a cog or two out of place. What I dont get is if I want to be fixed, why am I so unmotivated to work at mending myself?

Is it unnacceptable to just wait for God to pick me up again?

I wish I could just stand firm alongside God, instead of Him having to prop me up all the time.

I wish I could do my part.

I wish I wasn't so short-fallen in my thanksgiving.

I wish I didnt have to wish...