If I was a facebook status, today I would need the *dislike* button...

About 2 days a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, I ‘wake up wrong’. I don’t even know what that means. Maybe it’s oversleeping, under sleeping, just waking up at the wrong point in your sleep. Or something happens as you wake up, however minor, and it just throws you into the wrong mindset as you start your day. Maybe it’s just not feeling 100%, I really don’t know. However, the result becomes the mood I am and have been in today.

I really don’t like it. I don’t think it makes me a bad person, I just don’t feel myself. I don’t enjoy not feeling myself, it really throws me off course.

Like I say, I go through this often, it’s really not a big deal. Everyone has ‘off-days’. But during a short prayer and worship time today I just began to think about it. Is it unreasonable to want to be joyful all the time? Surely I should be able to find that deep-seeded happiness, that heartfelt passion to worship that I know is there, even if I do feel a bit crap...right?

It’s pretty typical of me really, when I’m feeling great, I take it for granted, and when I feel like I do today, I resent it.

And oddly, it’s in this mindset that I find peace. I fall so amazingly short of giving God the glory he deserves, which really sucks...but maybe it’s enough that I’m trying? I think God understands that I live a pretty broken existence...just in my nature as ‘not Jesus’ I’m broken, and as a result I will (stupidly) try and go my own way from time to time, or even just forget that God comes first. I have made mistakes, I will make more mistakes, which is why Grace is such an awe-inspiring thing.

Grace becomes even more intense when I realise I am much less of a person when I allow myself to slip up, and God ‘must’ be bored of helping me to my feet by now, but he’s still there every time.

In all honesty though, having said all this, I reckon if you sit God through a 7 hour PowerPoint lecture about developing management, he’d have a hard time feeling joyful!!!

Actually feel better for that...ranting is fun. Here’s hoping for a better evening! Home time in 30 minutes!

And on a side note...first lecture day (in over a year) that i've not had a can of Relentless. Fantastic.