Sunday Afternoon...

Ahhhh. I'm quite apathetic of late. Which isn't a good thing. Actually, its a bit half and half. Sometimes I flood with thought and emotion, and I can talk and talk and talk. Other times I dont really care/mind whats going on and just let myself be carried through it.

I'd quite like to be passionate and interested in every little thing I do or am involved in, but the truth is i'm not. I sit in my church on a sunday morning and it bores me. If i was 17, I wouldnt turn up on a sunday morning. But its my job to try and get young people to come to the church. How can I do that well and with conviction, when if I had a choice I probably wouldnt turn up half the time?

I do filter between 2 states of mind though. One, a position of little attention to my work and the sessions i lead, and the other, being genuinely passionate about teaching and trying to find a way to communicate how infinitely sensational Jesus' sacrifice was. Thats pretty much always what I want to get across. I work with 'christian' young people, but they just dont get it (yet). Not when you get into the grit of it. I guess my hope is once you can grasp hold of how vital that sacrifice was, it humbles and brings about desire to follow him and know more.

Right now though, it seems like i'm teaching (and being asked to teach) all the stuff that you should care about as a christian (why we shouldnt lie, why its important to read the bible etc) to kids who dont actually know Jesus.

I suppose its becoming a bit frustrating, as i've worked at this church for over a year now and the church youth group has not moved forward. If anything it's gone backwards. And this has resulted in my attitude of "doesnt really matter what i say, it'll go in one ear, out the other and will be forgotton as soon as they walk out of the building." Which it will, cause pretty much everything has, bar one or two talking points.

And all this brings me back to the whole 'sewing seeds' thing. I refuse to believe nothing is happening at my church, cause God does more than i know. I guess though, God willing, i'd just like to see some fruits of this work before i'm done here. And if not, my prayer would be that these seeds do see a harvest at some point. I dont want to see 3 years work wasted because of mine or someone elses apathy.

Even so, I still find myself with something to smile about the majority of the time. There are too many blessings in life to spend your time complaining about the bad stuff. Even though thats what i've just done...!